I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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