you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
