Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
