On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
