Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
