so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
