Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
