The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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