first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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