mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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