I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
