Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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