question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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