So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
