I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize