well I can't set my house on fire every night
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
a search helicopter?!
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
