so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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