I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
