How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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