Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
