And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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