I wish I could teleport
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
