Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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