I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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