smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
