): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
