Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
