I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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