Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
