"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
