I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
