if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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