I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
