a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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