guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
