Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Someone signed my nipple.
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