he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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