apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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