Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
