i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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