The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
