Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
