Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
