I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize