I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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