Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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