I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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