ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
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Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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