Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Small penises have feelings too.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
