told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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