Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
