I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
