I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
