This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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