i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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