I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
