She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
