Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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