Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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