Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
