My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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