Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
