OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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