Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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