I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
