They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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