he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Houston, we have a blender
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
