you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
We got so high we made milksteak
you win again, gameday.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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