could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize