My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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