I think I won the penis lottery.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
