What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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