I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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