So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
