Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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