It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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