I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
