1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
