I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
