I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
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The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
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I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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