At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
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Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
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Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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