I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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