its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
